Stupid PMS...makes me freakin EMO!

Maybe it's just my whack hormones right now that's clouding my emotions, but it seems like everyone is either getting to or is in a good place in their lives and happy...except me. Well, I am in a good place and I am happy, but not really? Bleh! I hate this part in a break up. It seems like the busier I am, the more I think about him. Probably because I'm learning how to go through life without him in it. I constantly fight the urge to call/text him. This is such a loser thing to say, but I also fight the urge to read his blog or his facebook. How lame is that?! I swear I think about him without even knowing it. When does one get over something like that? You can never really be prepared for something like this, but I need some help in getting over this huge bump in my road. I tried to be his friend because it's better to have him as a friend then nothing at all right? But it just got too difficult. How do I exist without my better half? I mean, I'm still myself, but for almost 4 years, I had someone to turn to, someone to call, a best friend. Now all I think about is him: his stupid laugh, asthmatic inhales, bunny, the poo poo colored Xterra, banana republic, seven jeans, every damn thing reminds me of him, hence, I think of him. But if you saw me, you wouldn't think I was like this. I hide it well and I'm determined to continue hiding it until I get over it/him. For now, I'm trying to patiently wait til that day comes.

I haven't listened to this song in over 2 weeks, but since I'll be getting my dang period soon, what better time then now? I hope he knows how much he means to me.

"Goodbye" - Alicia Keys

How do you love someone
That hurts you oh so bad
With intentions good
Was all he ever had

But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Maybe love is a hopeless crime
Giving up what seems your lifetime
What went wrong with something once so good

How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye

I know now I was naïve
Never knew where this would lead
And I'm not trying to take away
From the good man that he is

But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Was it something wrong that we did
Because others infiltrated
What went wrong with something once so good

How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye

Is this the end are you sure
How should you know when you've never been here before
It's so hard to just let go
When this is the one and only love I've ever known

So how do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye (find the words to say good bye)