I hate that I Love You

Hate is such a strong word though. I don't hate that I love(d) you, I hate that it hurt(s) so much. But the pain has subsided and now it's just a numb feeling that will go away in time. I still haven't told my parents and for some strange reason, my family, except my brothers, are the toughest people to admit to that it's over. I'm constantly asked where he is or how he's doing or when he's coming back to visit, but I can't bring myself to say, "Oh, we aren't together anymore." But when my friends or co-workers ask me, it's easier to tell them the truth. Well, except for the select few that were amazed we lasted 2 years in a long distance relationship. Maybe I don't want to tell these people because I don't want them to judge me or what our relationship was? I don't want them to see that we failed. But I guess that's just it: our relationship failed. I failed. The sooner I accept it, the sooner I'll be able to admit it. Or maybe I just don't want to explain what happened because I don't really want to face what happened. Either way, I need to tell them. But I'll tell them when I'm ready and I have a feeling it'll be real soon.

We'll always have New York/London/Italy/Paris.

The song that epitomizes everything.

[Rihanna:]
That's much I love you (yeah)
That's how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeahah)
And I can't stand ya
Most everything you do
Make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile (no... oh...)

[Ne-Yo:]
Cuz' you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss...
and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoah...)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh...)

[Ne-Yo:]
And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Sad and it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why (why...)
And it just ain't right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah...)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Both:]
And I hate that I loveYou soooooooo!

[Rihanna:]
As much I love you (as much as I need you oh...)
As much as I need you (oooh... as so much I love you)
As much I love you (oh...)
As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate that I love you soooo
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need ya (cant stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no...)
And I hate that I love you soAnd I hate that I love you so... soo...