This is the first time I'm packing to go up north and I'm not going to see him. It breaks my heart, but at the same time, it doesn't feel too bad. Maybe it's because it won't hit me until I drive up and pass his exit on the way to Sacramento and then I'll see his house off the freeway and think, I wonder what he's doing, is he happy, is he okay?? All these thoughts and emotions come up and yet there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm sure everyone has those feelings when you break up and they won't go away for a while. I guess I'm just lucky enough to live 8.5 hours away from him that I don't have to worry about seeing him or running into him every damn day. I mean, "lucky" is a bad word because it's not like I intentionally want to cut him out of my life for good, but it's definitely needed right now.
Today I told my co-worker that for some strange reason, I feel like he's going through some issues right now, but we'll end up together. I mean, it's not like I'm hoping and praying we end up together, but I just have this feeling that we're it. Don't get me wrong, I've accepted it and I'm trying to move on, but why can't I shake this feeling that he's it?
Oh, because I'm delusional and I had 2 drinks at happy hour?! And I still love him, I'm not gonna lie. And I miss him, no matter how many drinks I have with my girlfriends or how many good times I have, I'll still go home and think about him and what went wrong. (Damn, I watch too much TV and movies.)
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