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I hate when you try to be nice and the other person has to have some crazy ish going on in their heads and there's nothing coming back from their end. I mean, c'mon, how bout you try being nice too? My back's so fcking tense right now because of this whole situation and it's so unnecessary. Get over it, seriously. I'm asking for something so dang simple and for whatever reason, it's hard for you to do. You can reply you know.

I'm so over that bull crap. Anyway, yesterday, I'm not totally sure what came over me, but I got really emotional at church. It might've been when the choir sang "Prayer of Saint Francis" because that was the song we always sang during prayers for my grandma and also the song we'd sing during her viewings and funeral. I just started thinking about her and how young she was when she passed away. Her death anniversary is coming up and it's just sad how she wasn't able to see my brother get married and one day have great grandchildren. I miss her every day, but yesterday was a little tougher. Someone was always my go-to person and when I turn around, there's no one there anymore. I guess it's also because this summer's been a tough one; very emotional and I'm just so tired of being happy, angry and sad and happy, angry and sad. I'm not only referring to relationships, but seeing Nicky go through what he's going through and just thinking about how short life really is.

Why do I care so much? Why do I put my heart on the line and get little in return? What about me? I am so in love with the thought of love and happiness, but why is it so hard to wait for? If you have it, remember that you're damn lucky. But I'm lucky too, I have to remind myself that a lot.

(Wow...perfect..."Better In Time" by Leona Lewis is playing right now. Speaking of which, did you see her perform in the closing ceremonies of the Olympics? Hmm...not my fave performance, but she still has a fabulous voice!)