Hands shaking, Heart beating

I help administer patient assistant programs for a pharmaceutical company and our patient population consists of Hep B and HIV patients. Today, I shed some tears for a patient who said the worst things to me, but there was nothing I can say.  Let me correct myself, I could've said something, but I held back. Mainly because he initially was just letting out his frustrations and even apologized and said it wasn't my fault. But then he started cursing and repeating ridiculous things.

I don't want to get into it all, mainly because I can't remember everything he yelled at me, but basically he told me, "Why don't you go home tonight and play Russian Roulette with a gun? I'm dead serious. See how it feels...I'm going to have my parents send you a card, an invitation to my funeral." I tried my best to help him, but he just would not accept the program guidelines. He proceeded to say that he blames the government for giving him "spoiled blood" which caused him to contract HIV back in the 70's and then blames the pharmaceutical companies for pricing the medication at $1,500 for 30 pills. He just kept asking rhetorical questions so all I did was give him silence and let him vent.

Get this, he had the nerve to say, "I'm not even gay! If I were an illegal immigrant, Hispanic, Black or any other race except white, I'd get this medication for free, but since I'm not, I can't!" Everything he was telling me just got me furious, but what made me shed the tears was when I apologized that I couldn't provide him with the assistance he was asking for, he told me in a serious tone and then yelled, "No. I'm sorry, but you're not. You're not sorry. You don't care because this is just a job to you! You don't know how it feels to die from this. You don't care...(blah blah blah)!" I write blah blah blah because I cut him off and said, "I'm sorry that you feel that way Mr. (so and so), but you're wrong, I do care, I really do and I wish there was something else I can do." He said a simple thank you and hung up. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Don't you dare tell me that I don't care. Granted, I might not care about you personally, but I work damn hard at what I do and I always provide the best service I can to any patient or healthcare personnel who calls me. That's when I shed the tears. I've never felt that way in the past 2 years I've worked at Covance, ever. Asking me to play Russian Roulette?! Who says that?! Yet, all I can do is let it go. Tomorrow's another day.